What really happened
by Mr.CuriosityBunny
Summary: What really happened during their mission to protect the bridge builder? This is the episode you didn't see...well, you actually did see it, but what you saw was a cheap dubbed version. This is what REALLY happened. SasukeNaruto, KakashiIruka and more...
1. Chapter 1

Okay doods! This is like...my first Kakashi/Iruka and Sasuke/Naruto pairing ever! As well as my first parody ever...infact, this is actually my first Naruto fanfic--

**Magnetic Cheese:** ahem! -glares-

**Bunny:** Oh, ah yes, I mean **_OUR_** first Naruto fanfic ever! This here is my partner in crime, Magnetic Cheese!

**Magnetic Cheese:** Yes well, you can clearly see who's the brains in this "partnership".

**Bunny:** Ofcourse they can! -grins-

**Magnetic Cheese: **-.- I meant me by the way...

**Bunny:** ...heh, that's such a lie. But w/e. This story basically starts off from somewhere in episode 15. _The Fight in Zero Visibility: The Sharigan Crumbles_, and it's basically shows what really happened in the episode, before they decided it was a little to wack and dubbed it. So, without further ado!

**Warning:** Tons of Sakura bashing, and character death (I'm pretty sure you know which character dies...), slight OCC (okay...maybe it's more than slight), and shonen-ai. If you don't like it...then feel free to flame and blame!

**Disclaimer:** We, Magnetic Cheese and myself, do not own the anime series known as Naruto...or Itachi Uchiha...-sigh-

**Magnetic Cheese:** I don't even _wanna_ know what would happen if you owned him...

* * *

**What really Happened**

**OoO**

_'He attacks by the sound of his opponent?'_ Kakashi-sensei thought in amazement. He looked around and moved with caution, desperately trying to see through the thick fog, but to no avail. The fog was just too darn thick!

_'Now think,'_ Kakashi thought. _'This is Zabuza I'm dealing with here. Where would he think of attacking from…'_ It hit him like a ton of bricks. _'**The bridge builder**!'_ Kakashi's eyes widened.

* * *

_'Okay stay calm Sakura. No matter what, you must stay calm. You have a mission to do, and that's protect the bridge builder. I **have** to do this! I'll do it for Sasuke!'_ Emerald green eyes hardened in determination. _'Yes, I'd do anything for him…'_ the pink bubble-gum headed girl sighed dreamily before she shook her head out of it. _'No, I can't lose focus now!'_

She stretched her legs out and took a practiced fighting stance. Her emerald eyes scanned the fog uselessly. Something just…didn't feel right, something was wrong—and then suddenly, she felt it.

Sakura whipped around and stared in horror at the demon shinobi before her.

_'Oh god…oh god, ohgod ohgod ohgod what do I do now!'_ she thought panicked. Alas, she could do absolutely nothing. Why you ask? Simple. Because as you all should know, Sakura doesn't do well in panicked situations…and also because she was—no, scratch that—**IS**, absolutely useless.

God, you'd think that with that **extremely **big forehead of hers, she would have an **extremely** large brain, and therefore would be able to think up an **extremely **good plan to get herself out of this situation…

So, back to the current situation. Sakura stood rooted to the spot, watching helplessly as Zabuza came rushing towards them, his blade still glinting in the fog. Just as she thought it was all over, Kakashi-sensei jumped in front of her, risking his life for theirs. And all she could do was watch in horror and scream, **"SENSEI!"**

And, like before, just as she thought it was all over, an ear-piercing shriek was heard throughout the fog.

**"KAKASHI-SENSEI!"**

Sakura whipped her head around for the second time that day and felt her self being propelled into the air.

Oh, and beforewe forget to mention to who ever is reading this story, the sudden shriek was so loud, so intense, and so utterly **_random _**(not really but kind of) that it cleared up all the fog around the bridge. Yup, it was just that darn powerful.

So anyways, when the fog had cleared, everyone stood still in shocked silence. There laid Sakura's mangled body on the wooden boards of the bridge, Zabuza's blade sticking out of her stomach. Even Zabuza himself was shocked into stunned silence!

* * *

**M.C:** MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! Die you stupid pink-headed hobag! 

**Bunny:** O.O Um, maybe you should calm down and let me take over for awhile, huh?

**M.C: **-glares- You think I'm crazy now huh, don't you! -looks around in paranoia-

**Bunny:** eh? heh heh...of-ofcourse not -backs away-

**M.C:** -stare-

**Bunny:** ...-sweat drop-

* * *

Kakashi-sensei turned his head ever so slowly and stared at the person—no, girl—that stood panting and glaring at Sakura's crumpled up form on the floor of the bridge. He grinned from ear to ear under the cloth that covered his face. 

"Thank you so much for throwing her in front of me like that! I really had no intention of committing suicide, but it was kind of in my Script." He breathed out a sigh of relief.

"So, you are…?" Kakashi trailed off in curiosity.

"Dood, like **nametag**!" the girl said while pointing to an exaggeratingly large nametag at the top right corner of her shirt that read '_Keshii_'.

"…Ah." Kakashi muttered sheepishly. "Yes well, I thank you again Keshii." He smiled.

Keshii in turn, looked up at him with starry eyes.

"Oh man! I'd do anything for you Kakashi! You're like, the coolest sensei ever!" she praised.

Kakashi blinked in surprise before grinning down at her. "Darn **straight**!"

Keshii gazed up at him admiringly for a few more minutes before a sly grin found it's way onto her face. She randomly pulled out an orange covered book from within her **GRAVITY DEFYING TRENCOAT**--

**

* * *

**

**M.C: **You just _had_ to put that in there didn't you...

**Bunny:**

* * *

--and held it in front of her for Kakashi to see. Kakashi's eyes widened when he realized what it was. 

"Is…is that…" he trailed off in awe.

"Yuppers! It's volume 20 of Icha Icha Paradise!" Keshii beamed while holding out the bright orange covered book for him to see.

Kakashi tentatively outstretched his hand and gently brushed his half gloved fingers against the cover.

"How did…where did you get this?" he asked barely above a whisper. "They weren't scheduled to make the next volume until next year!" he gazed eagerly at the god-like book.

"No, they weren't, but I knew how much it would hurt for you to wait a **WHOLE **year, and I do so _hate_ to see you suffer. So, I kind of, took the liberty of making my very own volume, dedicated to the greatest, most **coolest **sensei ever!" she stated proudly while pointing to the bottom of the cover.

If you looked closely, you could see it read, "_written and illustrated by Yours Truly_" in very small and very neat cursive. And, if you looked even closer, you could see a very cute chibi Keshii handing the book over to a very eager chibi Kakashi.

Kakashi cooed in delight. "**_Coo_**!" he then looked up at Keshii very eagerly (he was slightly bent over to get a better view of the book). Kashii looked down at him in return, and with a slight nod of her head, the book disappeared from her hands.

Keshii blinked in surprise as the dust cloud figure of Kakashi started to dissipate. After looking around, she spotted him crouched over behind a tree, flipping through the pages rapidly. She leisurely walked over towards him and watched in amusement as he giggled madly.

Keshii smirked when he flipped to the next page. She had put in a little _extra_ something—

**"IRUKA-SENSEI!"** he squealed in delight.

—Just for him.

* * *

In another country entirely, things weren't as happy and jolly…

* * *

**M.C:** Umm..._idiot_, what the duce are you talking about! 

**Bunny:** ...iono dood...

**M.C:** -sweat drop- I need a new partner in crime...

* * *

Um…scrap that last part heh heh…heh…**ahem.**

So anyways, in the **same** country, in the **same** place, on the **same** bridge, in an igloo only a few couple metres away, things were going a little (actually...a lot) more differently…

"I may not like being a shinobi, but if I have to, I will. And I will fight for the one I care about, because my dream, is to make his dream become reality." Haku stated, his face hidden behind his mask. "So now, I must kill you, the both of you…"

Sasuke gritted his teeth together and glared at Naruto.

"You dobe, why the_ heck_ did you come in here! Trying to act the hero…you're such a **loser**! Now we're both going to die here!"

Naruto stared up into Sasuke's pale, cut up face. Despite every cut, every bruise, every splash of **blood**, he still managed to look utterly perfect…and he hated him for it…didn't he?

"Well, at least we're going to die together…" Naruto trailed off.

Sasuke stared down into his brightly shining ocean blue orbs. His eyes clouded over.

"Stupid dobe…"

"Sasuke-hime…" his face inched closer.

"God I love it when you call me that." Sasuke whispered fervently before swooping down and kissing Naruto with all the passion he could muster...

* * *

**M.C:** -stares at Bunny- 

**Bunny:** -stares at M.C-

**M.C:**...-stares at computer screen-

**Bunny:**...-stares at computer screen as well-

**M.C:**...-looks back at Bunny-...dood...what the bloody hell was that?

**Bunny:**...-stares at M.C...then back at computer- ... ... ...-bursts out laughing-

**M.C:** Zomg...

* * *

Haku couldn't help but openly stare at the two shinobi's slightly below him…in a very heated make out session. It wasn't just_ any_ normal heated make out session though. It was _so_ freaking heated, that it actually started to melt his crystal ice mirrors. 

_'What a waste of chakra…'_ he thought absently while still openly staring at them…was it getting kind of hot in here…or was it just them?

Five minutes passed and they were still going at it. And what was even more worse, was the fact that the melted ice from his crystal ice mirrors from above started dripping down onto their tangled bodies, making steam start to rise and spread. And still, they went at it.

Haku sighed in annoyance. Yes, it was definitely them…might as well go see what Zabuza was up to.

Haku tried desperately to hold down the squeal that rose up into his throat at the mere mention of his name as he left the two, heated shinobi's to their…business…

* * *

"**Die** you stupid whinobi (wannabe shinobi)! For some reason I never really liked you from the beginning…your **freaking** forehead was _way_ too big!" Zabuza yelled insanely as he continued stabbing Sakura. 

He didn't care that she was already dead, nor did he care that she had turned ghostly white, and her lips bluish-purple, and he really didn't care that her eyes had mysteriously turned into X's, or that her tongue was hanging out of the side of her mouth.

Zabuza simply didn't care…for he was having the time of his life!

* * *

"Oooooh _Iruka_…I had no **idea** you could be so naughty!" Kakashi giggled in glee. He hurriedly flipped to the next page and started to giggle again. 

This highly amusing process continued to go on this way. Flip, giggle, flip, giggle, flip, drool…giggle, flip, blush, drool…wait for it…giggle. It continued on and on for every page he flipped to.

Likewe said, it was a highly amusing process.

"Oh _my_, look at _you_ Iruka! Don't you just look **_fine_** in them jeans!" Kakashi praised as he continued to stare at the **NC-23** rated picture.

"…Excuse me?"

Kakashi's head whipped around so fast, it was a miracle that it didn't fall off. Keshii peaked her head around and snickered from behind Iruka's back.

Kakashi looked like a deer with bed head caught in headlights.

Pure Kodak moment right there. It was _utterly_ priceless!

* * *

Itachi looked around in pure boredom. In all reality, he had absolutely no idea where he was, nor did he care. He was freaking bored! 

_'I've already killed my one innocent victim for the day… so what shall I do now?'_ he thought as he continue to walk around aimlessly. He stopped suddenly when he came to what looked to be the starting of a bridge.

He contemplated the bridge for but a mere second before shrugging and continuing forwards. Something about this bridge said that he wasn't going to be bored for much longer…

* * *

By gods, the bridge had been _**right**_! 

He had continued on his unknown journey forward until he spotted a half melted igloo. Upon further inspection, he noticed two figures pressed so close together he wondered how they even breathed. Upon further, _further_ inspection, he realized they were…**ahem**…quite busy.

So he had, again, continued on his unknown journey forward, until he spotted two shinobi's. One wearing a white mask…who he thought was female, and the other with a huge blade stabbing a bubble-gum headed girl on the floor…

Okay…so…it was basically _three_ if you counted the dead girl…

And just like before, he again continued on his unknown journey forward, until he spotted a grinning masked jounin with very dishevelled hair, a very red-in-the-face sensei, and…a hystericalgirl.

He stopped in the middle of all this and took a look around him. It was basically…pure chaos. He could only do one thing at a time like this…and that was slightly raise his left brow in interest…sadly, he had no idea what he just started…

* * *

Keshii stood laughing her head off at the whole situation. Really, it was just too _funny_! 

"Now I know why you asked me to pose in those low rise dark blue denimjeans…" Iruka muttered as he stared down at the book in Kakashi's hand, his face shinning bright red.

"But you have to admit though…you look pretty darn hot!" Kakashi grinned perversely under his half mask. This only succeeded in making Iruka's face flame up even brighter than before.

Keshii was practically in tears at this point before suddenly—

**"ZOMG! IT'S ITACHI-SQUINTY!"**

Keshii froze up in shock. What…the…_duce_?

She slowly turned around to see her current love interest, standing there looking as sexy as always, and her best friend, Kaara…about to be killed. She couldn't help but do a little anime sweat drop.

* * *

Keshii rushed over to Kaara as fast as humanly possible, and grabbed her by her shoulders, spinning her around. 

"Just what the **heck** do you think you are doing!" she whispered heatedly.

Kaara just looked at her in surprise before grabbing her arm and spinning her around, so that she was facing Itachi Uchiha.

**"Look! It's squinty!"** Kaara yelled as she shoved her own face practically into Itachi's and pointed towards his left eye.

Keshii stared at Kaara blankly before looking up at Itachi, her eyes suddenly widening. _'Whoa dood…it **is** squinty'_ she thought in amazement. As the both of them continued staring up at Itachi, Kaara's face way to close for his comfort, he merely raised his left brow a little higher than before.

**"LIKE WOA DOOD! IT JUST SQUINTED!"** Kaara exclaimed as she pointer her finger even further towards Itachi's eye, practically poking it. Itachi stared down at her. And then ever so slowly, and ever so suddenly…his left eye started to twitch. _Big_ mistake.

**"ZOMG! IT JUST SQUINTED EVEN _MORE!_ LIKE, WOA!"** she said as she threw her arms slightly backwards to her right in a lightning fast motion, making it seem as if she had just been hit.

Keshii started to back up and pulled Kaara along with her. She had never known before, but it was quite difficult trying to ogle a sexy/evil shinobi, while trying to save your friend from being killed by himin the process.

As she dragged Kaara away from Itachi, again, she couldn't help but do a little anime sweat drop.

* * *

**Bunny:** -types away at keyboard insanely- 

**M.C:**..Um..don't you think we should explain the whole Itachi-squinty thing to them?

**Bunny: **-continues to type away at keyboard insanely-

**M.C:**...Umm...maybe you've had _way_ too much Nestea...

**Bunny: -**starts laughing hysetically while still typing away insanely at the keyboard- Yes yes, I should put that in there. Omg, this is so funny, it should go in there too! -chugs down a can of Nestea and throws it away with the other 20 cans-

**M.C:** O.O..Um..okay, I guess I'll tell you about the story behinf Itachi-squinty...

You see, one day, I was talking to Bunny on MSN, and she randomly showed me her display picture of itachi (because she's totally obsessed with him). And then, she pointed out the fact that one of his eyes was squinted because he was trying to do that whole eyebrow thing with his...eyebrow.

Thus, Itachi-squinty was born...it was meant as a joke, me calling him Itachi-squinty that it, but it was just so darn funny, that it just kinda...stuck with him. So, if you would like to witness the famous Itachi-squinty for yourself, the go to tis page.

http/images.google.ca/images?qItachi&hlen&btnGSearch+Images

So...back to the story...

* * *

Itachi watched in half annoyance and half curiosity as Keshii (he had managed to catch a glance at the nametag on the top right corner of her shirt. Well, how could he not have seen it? It _was_ exaggeratingly large…) dragged that lunatic of a girl, he supposed was her friend, away from him before he strangled her. He was annoyed at the fact that the stupid girl had started yelling in his face about squinty eyes and what not. But he was curious about the look that girl Keshii had given him when she started to drag her friend away. 

Hmm…

* * *

"I can't _believe_ you did that…" Keshii grumbled in disbelief. Kaara looked up at her in bemusement. 

"What do you mean? Didn't you see it? It was so _squinty!_ I just had to point out the obvious!" Kaara retorted. Keshii glared at her, and Kaara glared right back. It didn't seem like either one would back down from the little 'glaring' contest anytime soon until—

"Ohhhhh, _I_ see how it is!" Kaara drawled out as she grinned slyly, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Keshii could feel her face heat up as she nervously looked around at anything else but her friend. "I have no idea what you're talking about…" she stated, trying desperately not to let her voice waver. Kaara saw right through her little act though.

"_Suuurrrrree_ you don't. Admit it, you were jealous of the fact that I was _**this**_ much closer to Itachi than you were." Kaara demonstrated with her hand. Keshii sighed in frustration.

"Fine, so what?" she huffed. Kaara wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Dood, don't worry about it…I really…don't like him that way…I hardly like him at all." She shuddered at the mere thought of it.

"Well good then, problem solved." Keshii crossed her arms with a nod. An awkward silence settled between the two friends.

…

…

…

"Did you see how squinty his eye was?"

Keshii threw her hands up in frustration.

* * *

"So um…you really think I looked good in those jeans?" Iruka asked Kakashi tentatively. He had had a crush on the perverted jounin for the longest time now. Maybe all that waiting will have finally paid off… 

Kakashi blinked up at him from his position at the base of the tree. Did he even have to ask?

* * *

**M.C:** Okay dood, stop the story for a second. 

**Bunny:** What, why!

**M.C:**...they're suppose to be on a bridge right?

**Bunny:** Yeah no _duh_...

**M.C:** So...where the _duce _did the tree come from!

**Bunny:**...shh, don't bug the writer...-starts typing on keyboard-

**M.C:** -glare- I'm the writter too you know...

**Bunny:** Sorry, can't hear you...the typing of the keys is too loud and it's overpowering your voice...

**M.C:**...-.-you're just saying that bcause you know I'm right...idiot.

* * *

"Um, yeah!" Kakashi practically yelled. Iruka blushed wildly, but couldn't stop the bashful grin from making its way onto his face. He inched a little bit closer to Kakashi's crouched down form, making it look as if he was trying to get a better look at the page he was reading. He inched a bit closer…and then a bit more…a little more and he'd be touching him (he was practically squealing inside at this point)…just a bit…_**almost there**_…**_almost_**— 

"Wow Iruka…I had no idea you could be so…_forward_ dood." He froze for a second, then quickly unfroze and jumped as far away from Kakashi as shinobily possible…although…it really wasn't **TOO** too far from him…

Kakashi looked up, oblivious of Iruka's chances to get closer to him, and stared at Keshii and…friend.

"Oh, um, Kakashi-sensei…Iruka-sensei…I would like to introduce you to my very best friend, Kaara-chan." Keshii said, pointing to Kaara.

"Suppage doods!" Kaara greeted with an exaggerated wave of her hand. Kakashii stood up and walked over to Kaara, bending down slightly so he couldbewithin eye levelof her.

"Tell me Kaara, did you help Keshii to write this new, and excellent if I do say so myself, volume of Icha Icha Paradise?" he asked, leaning in a bit closer.

"_Umm_…sure why not." She said nonchalantly with a shrug of her shoulders. Kakashi narrowed his eyes…well, _eye_…and stared at her for a little longer. Kaara stared right back, her eyes slightly shifting slowly from side to side. Suddenly, Kakashi broke out in a wide grin and ruffled her hair.

"Arigato Kaara! This is the best gift ever!" he laughed. Kaara glared up at him.

"Dood…don't touch the hair." She said. Kakashi immediately stopped laughingand blinked. Kaara tried to keep her face straight as Kakashi smiled hesitantly. She couldn't hold it in any longer and started laughing while saying "Jokage dood, **jokage**!" in between fits of laughter.

Keshii and Iruka stared at the laughing pair in confusion…they really had no idea what they found so funny…despite this fact, Iruka walked over to Kaara and stuck out his hand with a sheepish smile on his face.

"Hey _'dood'_, I'm Iruka. It's a pleasure to meet you" he said.

Kaara grinned slyly. "Don't you mean _'It's a pleasure to be featured in Kakashi's Icha Icha Paradise book'_?" she winked at him. Iruka's face immediately flamed up. Gosh, it seemed to be doing that every single second…no wonder the rest of his body was numb, all the blood was rushing to his freaking face!

_'Oh my god… the blood keeps rushing to my face like this…I won't ever be able to move my body again! I'll die by going completely numb!' _he thought panicked. And he never even got to make out with Kakashi-san yet…

"…Um, Iruka…are you okay?"

Iruka was brought out of his panicked state by Kaara's voice. He looked up and just noticed that everone happened to be staring at him…especially Kakashi-san.

"Oh…erm, I'm fine! Really haha…I just, um…neeh" he breathed helplessely. A silence settled between everyone in the group for a short period of time.

…

…

"So…did you guys see how squinty Itachi's eye got?"

Hey, we did say that it only lasted for a short period of time didn't we?

* * *

**Bunny:** And that ends the first chapter of _What really happened_! I feel so proud of myself! 

**M.C:** Don't you mean, _ourselves_?

**Bunny:** Umm...-stare- sure dood..why not...

**M.C:** -.-'

**Bunny:** Don't forget to Flame and Blame! -waves-

_**S**weet **N**ightmares. . ._


	2. Chapter 2

**M.C: **Okay, so doods, the long awaited second chapter of… this story… of sorts. Anyhoo, so-

**Bunny**: -still sobbing-

**M.C: **Dood, you're STILL crying over Itachi-transexual!

**Bunny: **S-stop saying that dood! He SO isn't!

**M.C: **You sure about that? That picture told a totally different story…

**Bunny: SHUT UP! **Lies, it's all lies!

**M.C: **Mhmm, you keep telling yourself that. Anyhoo, on a completely different note-

**Bunny: -**sobbing uncontrollably loud and exaggerated-

**M.C: **HOBAG SHUT UP! –throws heavy Nestea can at her head-

**Bunny: -**passes out-

**M.C:** Finally. Anyway, I guess we can start the story.

**Warning:** Hints of shonen-ai...perhaps even a bit of it, and extreme OOC.

**Disclaimer: **My partner and I sadly do not own Naruto. BUT, I do own my OC Kissu-Kissu. Yes, you will see in due time what I mean. And, we don't own the amazing cereal that is Trix. Although it's DAMN good. And that's about it, I think...

* * *

**What Really Happened**

_**In a…farther away location..: **_

A tall, blue haired and waxy blue skinned man was walking around. At first glance, he was frightening enough to send any sane ninja scrambling and running away for their lives. And with a reason too. He had small, beady eyes, gills on each cheek, and a sparkling set of sharp white teeth that were strong enough to rip just about anything to shreds. This was expected, since he was part shark after all. However, perhaps underneath his deadly, cold demeanor lay a somewhat gentle hearted man…?

"DAMNIT! Where the hell is Itachi-san!" He yelled out, punching a tree and effectively busting it to splinters.

Well, so much for the gentle-hearted man.

"Aghh, he causes so much trouble. He constantly runs off somewhere, and then leaves me to look for him! I…I bet he's with someone, isn't he?...ISN'T HE!" Kisame harshly whispered to himself. Damn, whoever he was with, he was going kick their a-

_Hmm, wetting your cloak over Uchiha again, are we? _A tiny voice in the back of Kisame's oddly shaped head asked.

He gasped. That little annoying voice was back again. It seemed to have been with him ever since he was about 10 years old. It had just randomly appeared one day. And it had never left…

"What are you talking about Kissu-Kissu!" he asked the small voice.

_Oh, don't make me laugh you idiotic fish. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. I don't know why you get yourself all bothered over him. He doesn't even give you the time of day, let alone ACTUALLY care about you. Get a LIFE. _

"What… did you say! Don't speak about things you don't know about, you annoying pest! Just…SHUT UP. SHUT UP." He yelled out. Quite loudly it seems, since all the birds from the trees had parted off with an indignant whistle.

Oops.

_Right…you just keep yourself in denial. I guess ignorance really IS bliss…at least for morons like you, anyway. _

Kisame seethed. He could practically see the little voice smirking with joy. Stupid little thing seemed to like pressing his buttons constantly. It was a wonder how he hadn't gone insane already.  
WAIT. He WAS insane already. He…just liked to deny that little fact.

"Whatever." Kisame huffed out. Why should he listen to a stupid little voice anyway? It's not like it _actually_ knew what it was talking about.

_I know what I'm talking about. _Kissu-Kissu lapsed into a temporary silence.

'Finally,' Kisame thought, 'Peace once again.'And with that, he began to walk towards the path in the forest. Sadly, the peace wasn't scheduled to last too long…

_HE HATES YOU, HE HATES YOU! _Kissu laughed with glee. _HE HATESSSSSSS YOUUUUUUUUU. And he most likely found a new sidekick anyway. No wonder he keeps leaving you behind! You're ridiculously worthless! _

Kisame said nothing for a moment. Then, "DAMN YOU! YOU JUST LIKE RUINING MY LIFE, HOPES AND DREAMS, DON'T YOU!" That was all it had taken. Kissu-Kissu was frighteningly blunt enough to even send the most emotionless of men running away crying like a little girl. Now, Kisame was running all retarded-like, big, scaly hands covering his face, and he was heading in some unknown direction. All he could hear now were his own silly high-pitched sobs, and Kissu-Kissu's words ringing true in his head…

* * *

**_On a bridge in a…slightly farther away location:_**

After a rather…**cough**…heavy duty mission, Sasuke and Naruto were lounging around, only paying attention to each other, however.

"Have…I ever told you how much I love those whiskers on your cheeks?" Sasuke asked, while gently caressing Naruto's baby soft cheeks.

"Have I ever told you how much I love how your hair resembles that of a parrot's?" Naruto asked, while staring into Sasuke's dark, and deeply mesmerizing ebony eyes.

Time seemed to stop, momentarily. Sasuke immediately dropped his hands from Naruto's face.

"What…what was that, dobe?" He asked, in a menacingly low whisper, stress marks popping up all over his forehead.

"Um…I said, that I love how your hair –…" But Naruto was cut off.

"Yes you IDIOT, I heard you perfectly fine! And I will have you know, that my hair does NOT resemble that of a parrot's! This hairstyle goes way back in my clan, so…so…you don't know what you're talking about!" Sasuke spat out. Sometimes he truly believed his lover was the epitome of stupidity. He wondered if he hadn't hit his head far too many times. It would certainly explain a lot of things…

Naruto looked down at the ground. To most, it would appear he felt guilty for his earlier remark. However…

'So that hairstyle has been in his clan for years, eh?'He wondered. 'That couldn't possibly mean…could it?'

Naruto immediately looked up and stared at Sasuke's face intently.

"Sasuke, were your earlier ancestors…BIRDS!" He asked, completely out of the blue. The sad part was, he was really serious about it too.

Sasuke stared at Naruto in disbelief and facefaulted. What the HELL! How could he have gone from being an effing bird to a freaking HUMAN! He knew Naruto was an idiot at times, but honestly, this just splattered the icing on the retarded cake.  
Mmm..icing…

"You know what…I'm leaving. You're unbelievable stupidity is…UNBELIEVABLE! I bet my bloody IQ just went from 300 to -7! I'm out of here!" And with that, Sasuke stormed off.

Naruto stared after him. Hey, what the hell was his problem anyway! Geez, couldn't he just ask a simple question! Hmph. He bet that Sasuke didn't even have an IQ of 300 anyway…

Wait, what was an IQ again? Naruto sweatdropped a bit. Then, he yelled out at the already long gone Sasuke.

"Yeah…well…good-bye to you too, you useless git!"

And with that, Naruto stormed off as well.

**Uh dood, wrong way. **

Naruto stopped and turned around.

"What?" He asked. He looked around. "Oh, uh…yeah I knew that! Believe it!" And he flashed a brilliant smile and ran off the other way.

* * *

**M.C:** Riggght… "Believe it"…Mhmm… 

**Bunny:** -still passed out-

**M.C:** -stare- Oh get the hell up already, we all know you're faking it now.

**Bunny:** …Yeah ok, so I was faking it. –shrug-

**M.C:** Riiiiiighht… -- So, why are we partners again?

**Bunny:** -shrug-

**Both:** LMAOO.

**Yes. We actually do Laugh Our Asses Off in real life. Really.

* * *

**

_**On a path leading to the bridge: **_

Kisame was still running away, his face covered by his large hands. He…the pain inside was consuming him, it seemed to be tearing and gnawing at him with a vicious pain most unforgiving. Look at what stupid Itachi-sa-, no SCRATCH that! He didn't deserve that title anyway. Look at what Itachi caused him! Pain, painnnnnnnnnn, more fierce then that of what he felt from battle wounds! More fier-

_Oh shut the HELL up already, SHEESH! I swear you talk more then a woman does sometimes! And have you considered perhaps that your effing "pain" isn't from your own non-existant "HURT" feelings? Honestly, stop and smell the flowers, BISH! _

Kisame actually stopped.

He decided to for once, listen to Kissu-Kissu for a moment. He was right. His feelings weren't ACTUALLY hurt. In fact, he could care less about stupid Itachi anyway. He could be falling off a cliff tomorrow and he SOOO wouldn't save him. Nope. Really, he wouldn't. Totally. Soo wouldn't…

_Denial again? When will you ever learn? Oh wait, you CAN'T learn. I'm…sorry for having brought that up. _

"…JUST BECAUSE I HAD TO REPEAT THE STUPID ACADEMY A FEW TIMES DOES –NOT- MEAN I CAN'T LEARN! I'M SUPER SMART! Ask me anything! ANYTHING!" Kisame yelled out, angry. His…level of intelligence was a very sensitive subject for him.

_Fine. I want the bisector of a right triangle incorporated into this following question: If a ninja were to be traveling at an average speed of 95 miles per hour, through a dense jungle, following a comrade, how long would it take him to catch up to his partner, assuming the speed at which the other ninja is going is unknown? As well, the height of the tree he is looking for casts a shadow of 60 feet on the ground. Using this information, tell me the height of the tree, and the speed at which your partner is going. And, please do include the bisector part. You have two minutes. _

"Hot damn, that's one minute too many anyway!" He answered back, and blocked out Kissu-Kissu. 'Ok so…c'mon Kisame you can do this!' He mentally cheered himself, and little pictures of cheerleaders cheering him on appeared in his head. Except…the cheerleaders were all Itachi…

'Damn, stop thinking about that idiot! Anyway… ok so…speed, ninja, bisector, tree…Uh…damn, what's a bisector! And miles! We use kilometers here! I don't know the bloody conversions! I don't even have a friggin' calculator! Damn, I…I can't let him get the best of me though! He WON'T WIN!' Believing this, Kisame attempted the question for another minute or so. Soon, Kissu-Kissu was back once again.

_So my fishy little friend, have you found the answer yet? Oh wait, nevermind, I'm sure you haven't. That's okay though. I'm sure you ARE smart…in your own way of course… _

"I'll tell you the damn answer! The stupid ninja is traveling at approximately 103.333 miles per hour, and the height of the tree is 119.1098723983 feet. And the right bisector of the triangle is 23.5 degrees! So there you mumbling moron!" Kisame yelled out, with pride. Hah…he sure had shown that egotistical pest…

_Hm… quite impressive…But NO. You still are an idiot. _

"Wh—what! I am right! I did the calculations on the ground and everything! You're the one who doesn't want to admit defeat!"

_Actually…there was no answer to that question at all. _Kissu-Kissu laughed._ It was all very much made up. You can't possibly incorporate a right bisector into such an equation. And there's no way it would work out in the first place anyway. Thus, this firmly proves my point. You are not only pathetically stupid, you're also extremely gullible. This conversation is now over. Goodbye. _And he fell silent.

"…Whatever! I still won!" Kisame huffed out. Hm, stupid thing couldn't admit defeat. However, now onto more important things-Itachi. He thought he didn't care but…oh who the hell was he trying to convince? Of course he did! And the pain…oh the pain of loneliness and unrequited-

_Grummmbleeee. _

"Oy, the hell!" He looked down at his stomach. And sure enough, noises loud enough to be confused for a storm seemed to be erupting from his esophagus. 'So it wasn't actually loneliness..I'm just hungry! Luckily I brought…'

And Kisame pulled out a box of Trix cereal from almost out of nowhere. He always carried a box of Trix. It was the greatest cereal EVER. And yes, along with the cereal came a bottle of milk. Somehow. Shut up, don't question the authoress! With that, he sat down and also pulled out a bowl. And a spoon. And…a mini-table with a cushion and an orange. Yes, everything suitable for an Akatsuki breakfast.

"Ahh, breakfast! I forgot I hadn't eaten anything. Silly me. I spend too much time thinking about things. Now, it's time to just enjoy some Trix." He opened the box and tilted it downwards. However, before a single flower shaped cereal could hit his exaggeratedly large bowl, a figure in a hideous green jumpsuit jumped out of nowhere and snatched his cereal.

And there, in all his glory, stood Gai-sensei. He held the box with one hand, and stared down at Kisame.

"Silly Kisame, Trix are for ki-HUMANS!" A thumbs up. A dazzling smile.

Kisame stood up. "What was that?" He asked, in a menacingly low whisper.

"You heard me. Well I must be off now. I'm sure Lee wouldn't mind some Trix! Ta ta for now, and hug hug kiss kiss!" And with that, Gai-sensei pranced away.

Kisame stared. And stared some more. That hideous green guy with ugly hair had just stolen his box of TRIX! He payed a whole 200 yen for that! And he took it!

"Oy bish, GIMME BACK MY CEREAL! I PAID 200 YEN FOR THAT! GET YOUR GREEN ARSE BACK HERE YOU FREAK!" Unfortunately, it was too late. Gai-sensei was well off on his way back to Konoha Village now. Kisame was simply too tired to go after him.

"I guess I'll just eat this orange…or something." Kisame sighed. Then, he barbarically devoured the orange, juice flying at lethal rates all around him. He cleaned himself up after, and put away his breakfast things. Then, he stretched and yawned.

"Should I just continue along this way? There doesn't seem to be any signs of life nearby anywhere." He asked himself, as he tiptoed, trying to get a better look around the surrounding area.

However, he was sure he could see a lone tree just a bit off in the distance, and some…rails?

"What the hell? There's a bridge with a tree on it?" Kisame asked aloud. He stood in confusion for a moment before he shrugged off the strange circumstances. "Well, what the hell, where there's bridges there's oranges!"  
What could he say? He was in orange-craving mode.

_A bridge you say? _Kissu-Kissu asked. _Well, you know what they say, where there's bridges there's bitches! _

Kisame stared his perplexed Kisame stare. "Who…who the hell says that? And don't talk about Itachi-san like that."

Kissu-Kissu stayed quiet and Kisame began quickly heading towards the bridge. Luckily, it wasn't too long before he reached his destination.

* * *

Itachi had been left staring at the Keshii girl. The look she had given him had been bothering him for a while. Exactly what emotions had her brown eyes showed?  
Minutes of contemplation left him with one answer: infatuation. This made perfect sense, however. Who didn't fall in love with him? He was, after all, Uchiha Itachi, ninja _extraordinaire. _Extremely skilled, extremely talented, and dashingly handsome.

Of course, he never voiced his own thoughts. He was a bit narcissistic, but as long as no one could hear what he thought about himself, there was no problem. Before he was able to continue his silent contemplation, an overwhelmingly strong scent of oranges mercilessly attacked his nostrils.

"Kisame." Was all Itachi was able to voice.

And as luck would have it, none other than the blue man himself had arrived.

* * *

**_In a different location, far far away… _**

**_Ok, we lied. It's not really that far…it's about 20 feet away from Itachi and like…7 feet above Kakashi, Iruka, Keshii and Kaara._**

_**Yeah, that's right. It's in the tree, on the bridge.

* * *

**_

**M.C:** Dood, I'm sorry but I just…why the hell is there a bloody tree on the bridge again?

**Bunny:** …You mean…trees aren't normally on bridges? –looks utterly confused-

**M.C:** -looks blankly at Bunny- You aren't _seriously_ asking me that question.

**Bunny:** …-stare-

**M.C:** You're very sheltered, aren't you?

**Bunny:** …-stare-

**M.C:** I uh…-sigh- Fine, the stupid tree can stay on the freaking bridge.

**Bunny:** BWAHAHA.

* * *

_Anyway_, as we were saying, on the tree…unbeknownst to everyone but us and himself, sat Konoha's self proclaimed number one ninja-Naruto.

He had somehow surpassed everyone without being noticed, and he sat along a sturdy branch on the tree, back against the trunk. He was in silent and de- well, not _that_ deep- reflection about earlier events between himself and Sasuke. So he _had_ made an offhand comment about how Sasuke's hair disturbingly resembled that of a parrot's…but he really hadn't meant any harm by it. Really, he hadn't! Sasuke was just so… so uptight about everything. It was almost as if the Uchiha was self-conscious of his look.  
And for the life of him, Naruto couldn't figure out why. Sasuke was effing HOT. So what if his hair resembled that of a parrot's? Parrots were cool. Parrots were deadly. Parrots were…kind of sexy even! Sasuke was just one, big sexy parrot head.

"He's **MY** sexy parrot head," Naruto told himself quietly. "Mine and no one else's."

And that's when Naruto realized…he had a fetish for parrots.

Well he was a neko, so it's understandable, right?

'No wonder I've been attracted to Sasuke!' He thought silently. 'Well besides the fact that he probably has a really great body underneath all of his clothes, and he's REALLY good at making out,'-Naruto heaved a dreamy sigh-'But because he looks like one really yummy, extremely sexy parrot!' He concluded mentally.

Naruto suddenly paled when he had reached his conclusion. What if...what if Sasuke thought looking like a parrot was a turn-off? It was anything **BUT** a turn-off! It was...it was _HOT_!

He jumped down from his position slumped down against the tree branch with renewed hope.

"I have to show Sasuke that his parrot head it sexy! He's gonna _believe it_!"

And with that, he was off, bounding towards some random direction hoping that the authoress would be kind enough to let it lead him to his beloved sexy parrot head, Sasuke.

* * *

**ANNND, that's the end of this painful chapter. My co-authoress here, Bunny, is a much better writer doods. --;; You should wait for her chapters. They'll be KICK ASS. And yes, Kissu-Kissu is mine. No stealing. Other then that, hope you enjoyed it…or not. It's up to you, really. If you found it a waste of time, I'm terribly sorry for your loss of minutes. Oh, and yes, I have no idea of the differences between the Canadian dollar and Japanese yen. As well, excuse any mistakes/grammatical errors I may have missed. **

**Anyway, as Bunny here would say, "Flame and Blame."**

**Laters.**


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